2022…Are We Finally Living or Just Surviving Again?

With the emergence of the Omicron virus, I won’t kid you, the beginning of 2022 started to seem a little grim. I honestly wish I could quickly alter my mindset out of this, but I’m having a hard time doing so. People are still treating Covid-19 like a joke, and I haven’t laughed once. I know so many people who have caught Covid and they were the pinnacle of being careful. The beginning of my 20s have been plagued with this God forsaken virus; during times like these, it seems like survival mode is the only way to go. When you’re in survival mode, you have a tendency to neglect your needs. In 2021, I realized I am a workaholic, not necessarily because I like responding to emails, reminding people of tasks, and staying up until the wee hours of the night, but because I felt validated by doing so. I was afraid of feeling like I was less then, and that’s all survival mode is rooted in…fear. Survival mode caused me to always be paranoid and had me living on the edge instead of just living. I just wanted to feel safe for once, and I know that I can offer that to myself…it’s everyone else I’m side eyeing. I feel I am one of my greatest protectors, and I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I’ve been setting better boundaries as of late, and that has certainly allowed me peace of mind and a certain type of protection. If I’m tired, I am now trying to take time out of my day to rest, whether it be with a self care activity or literally getting in my bed and resting. I can find ways to protect myself that don’t require me closing myself off emotionally. I would be lying if I said everything took a negative turn; I have many things to be thankful for; blessings that I wouldn’t have received if I had remained in my comfort zone. Fear blocks blessings, and I want all of the blessings this year…I deserve it…whoever else decides to read this, you deserve it too. I want to shift into a thrive mindset. The goals and aspirations that I scribble down in my journal are ones that I want to come into fruition this year, and I have a better chance of achieving them if I think with an abundance mindset. I believe Margaret Atwood has a quote that says:

“Last year, I abstained. This year, I devour, without guilt, which is also an art.”

Who told us it was a bad thing to want good things to happen to us? In my case, I am the one that is telling myself that. Despite the despair that I might feel due to certain incidents that are occurring in our world today, I can try to bring some love and light into my life. This year, I’m going to do the things that I have dreamt of doing, and pray that I see success in my endeavors. I’m learning that there are opportunities galore out there for everybody, including me, I just have to start allowing myself to be open to receiving them. This year, I want to uncover a new type of confidence. I want to be more solid with myself; I want to see myself as a friend and not as an enemy. I deserve the time to rest, because if I don’t rest, I won’t have the energy to continue striving toward my goals. I am going to be kind to myself this year…yes, I’m going to actually do it this year instead of just saying it. I’m going to actually do it…something that I’m going to implement in more ways than one. Speaking things into existence is one thing, but I also need to put forth action. Survival mode doesn’t allow manifestations to flourish, it keeps them dormant; only to exist as dreams and fantasies. The angel number 222 represents a state of balance and harmony, two things I would love to have right about now. I hope 2022 ushers in peace and serenity and calm minds that continue to be restless. I hope faith is our guide and leads us to a place where fear cannot set foot.

Happy New Year!

2020 Manifestations: New Blessings

First I want to give thanks to God and the universe for allowing myself to make it this far in my life. 2020, a new year…a new decade. Let 2020 be a spiritual and mental cleansing. Let goodness overflow and saturate the twelve months that make up this year. Let negativity be cast out and not infiltrate our spaces.

• I manifest healing any trauma from the past in the new year
• I manifest a stronger sense of self
• I manifest getting rid of any insecure or doubtful thought I have in my mind about myself and my abilities
• I manifest making better decisions in the new year and the years to come
• I manifest happiness and joy
• I manifest security in all ways possible
• I manifest focus in everything I do
• I manifest patience and perseverance within myself
• I manifest discipline and establishing healthy boundaries as well as enforcing them
• I manifest solid relationships in my life; whether romantic or platonic
• I manifest letting go of things that no longer serve me
• I manifest the greatest love for myself
• I manifest a clean bill of health in the new year
• I manifest breaking bad habits in the new year
• I manifest clear, even, firm, and glowing skin
• I manifest positive energy surrounding me at all times
• I manifest all my goals and aspirations coming into fruition
• I manifest maturity
• I manifest wealth and good fortune
• I manifest a greater love for myself
• I manifest a sense of calmness and serenity
• I manifest more opportunities to express my talents
• I manifest protection
• I manifest growth in all forms
• I manifest happiness and prosperity
• I manifest change for the better

You Made It…

Can you think back to December 31st, 2018? What were you praying and manifesting would happen in the year to come? I knew 2019 was going to be a culmination of growth and reflection. Well, I feel every year consists of those two things, but I don’t know…2019 was different. Think about it, 2019 is the last year of the decade; this was the year of completion. 2019 made us uncomfortable; it made us question how we treat people, our past decisions, and the ways in which we have let other’s interact with us. We were kind of lost going into this year. I can speak for myself when I say that 2019 was my wake up call. January 1st got right in my face and said “get it together!” 2019 dragged me by my heels and made me face reality. It was scary, it was harsh, but it was needed. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different response, and I was a lunatic. 2019 made me question who I was as a person and who I wanted to be. It made me question the energy I allowed to infiltrate my space, but with that being said…it made me ask myself why I was attracting this type of energy?

I spoke a lot to my younger self, and it was good to see her again. She was around the age of seven or eight. She had a braid on each side of her head with one in the back, and pink barrettes clipped to her scalp. She was chubby and cute, two things that she didn’t think could coexist with each other. She wanted someone to tell her that she was worthy. She wanted to be told that she was beautiful; that she was smart, talented, and intelligent. She wanted to be told that she didn’t need to lose thirty pounds in order to look good. She wanted to be told that her physical flaws aren’t flaws at all; they’re little idiosyncrasies that deserved to be celebrated. At the age of 21, I was glad that I was able to give that to her.

In 2019, I was able to confront a lot of things in my life that used to poke and prod at my self esteem. I highlighted the things that I love about myself, as well as the things I want to change within. I was able to forgive myself and others for the past, and leave those memories there. I have become more content with being alone and spending time with my thoughts. I am learning that I am my own soulmate. Myself and I were courting in 2019, and now we are in a relationship. When deeply in love with yourself, you move differently. I learned that everything is not a competition; just because I failed does not make me a failure. What’s meant for me will be for me, and I should speak positively over my life because it is precious. The things that I cannot control I will not give energy to, and I will be more careful with the things I can change.

I am so excited for 2020. I got a glimpse of what could come if I continue down the right path. I haven’t felt this hopeful in a long time. I feel confident in myself, and when the bouts of insecurity come, I know what to do to remind myself of my worth. I’m being more selfish this year. This new decade I pray will be the new emergence of the person I want to be. I will be a better woman, a better sister, daughter, granddaughter, friend, writer, student, artist…all the things that I consider myself, I will be better. I pray for a cleansing of the heart, mind, and soul. To anyone reading this, I pray that you tap into that potential that you know is there, and that you too become the best version of yourself.

Happy New Year

Hope for the New Year

We’ve made it to 2019. Can you remember what you wanted to happen December 31st, 2017 for the new year? I do, and even though it didn’t come to me the way I expected, it was necessary for my growth as a woman.

I prayed for knowledge and wisdom…and with the things that had taken place in 2018, God supplied me with my request. I was broken down last year, (feels weird to say you know, since last year was literally a few days ago) only to hopefully be built back up in the year of 2019. I have learned so many lessons, realized the inadequacies in my personality, and tried to alleviate pain that has been caused by past trauma or hurt that still gets a reaction out of me.

This year, I do continue to pray for knowledge and wisdom (maybe in a less aggressive fashion), but I also am adding on a few other things.

1. I pray for organization. I pray that I set a plan and that I stick to it.
2. I want my faith in God to grow. Not to get all preachy, but without him, I would not be where I am now. In 2018, I didn’t rely on the Lord as much as I should have. I didn’t pray as much as I could have. I guess I progressed from 2017. For most of that year, I thought God hated me, which was a ludicrous thought of mine now that I think about it.
3. I want to read more. I used to love reading, and I want to reconnect with the positives that I used to exhibit.
4. I want to manifest my goals, dreams, and aspirations more. I got started towards the end of the year, and I want to make sure that I bring the art of manifestation with me in the new year.
5. I want to write in my journal daily. Writing is my personal form of therapy. Most of us don’t have a psychologist at the ready, but a pen and a piece of paper might be more accessible. I couldn’t wait to scribble on the pages, but I bought a yellow notebook for the new year to write down my thoughts, dreams, grievances, and my endless rants on things that will probably mean nothing in about a year or so.
6. I want to move forward in everything that I am apart of. I work at my school news station, as well as being involved in NACWC (National Association of Colored Women’s Club Incorporated), and this here blog. I want to work harder and move up the ranks in my positions. When it comes to blogging, I want to write more. I feel like my posts are a bit sporadic, and going back to me wanting to be more organized, I hope to create a posting schedule.
7. I want to start doing yoga and going to the gym. I need to get my exercise regimen together for this year. Exercise releases dopamine, and my 2019 needs to be full of all that.
8. I want to learn how to sew and cook. My Mother called me down earlier today to look over some old birthday, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day cards. I found one that I gave to my Mother. I was eight-years-old, it was homemade…it wasn’t the prettiest, but it had a lot of heart. It was a Mother’s Day card, and inside it was me singing high praises to my Mother (as I should because my Mother is the most amazing person on the planet). In one of the lines, I say that I want her to teach me how to cook and sew. These are two things that my Mom knew how to do that I admired. Since I was thinking about learning, and I saw my younger self wanting to learn more…I think that this would be the perfect year to pick up a new hobby.

Of course, I have a whole list of things I want to happen this year (I may post the full list later on) but ultimately, the main thing I want is happiness. I guess I really didn’t have to list all eight of those New Year’s resolutions…all of them result in happiness on my end.

I want to be the woman my ten year old self never thought I would be. If you have read any of my other posts, I am a big fanatic of self love and self care. I started getting that into the end of the 2018 year, and I want 2019 to be full of it. Now, with that being said, 2019 can’t just be self care. I will continue talking to a therapist. There are some things that I still have to work out, and I’m not just going to just throw it under the rug and let it fester. I don’t want the progress that I’ve made to go to waste. I can feel it…2019 is my year.