Graduate School Update: So This Isn’t An Aesthetic…Or Is It?

I am in the middle of my ninth week of graduate school. You know, it was much easier telling people I was a graduate student than actually being one. Wait…so I actually have to do assignments? This isn’t just an aesthetic? This isn’t just something I can casually bring up at dinner parties to spark a conversation? Wow, who knew? Of course, I’m kidding, but as I would proudly explain to people that I would be attending the Counseling program at Northwestern University, I truly didn’t know what this chapter in my life would consist of. Juggling graduate school work and my research assistantship proved to be quite a bit. I tried to work six hours a day, and study equally as much. I started to run myself ragged; getting two to four hours a night and trying to function. My assistantship has recently ended, and I am currently trying to find a new one. I’ve applied to a couple research positions…haven’t heard anything from them. You need money, especially if you’re me; a black woman in her 20s who would like to move out of her parents house at least by the time she is 25. I have always had this obsession with living in a New York City high rise with a perfect view of the city skyline. My apartment would be spacious with artwork on the walls and plants to accompany the corners of my room. I am nowhere close to being at that point, and a part of me feels like a failure because I haven’t gotten there. You can find me when I’m taking my breaks from studying scrolling through Pinterest envisioning myself in the place of those in the pictures I’ve pinned. I don’t know who they are, or how they got to where they are now, but I have a tendency to romanticize their experiences. My semi-solution besides work smarter not harder is to romanticize my life from day to day…which can be hard when your life is not the most glamorous. I sometimes feel like I am the character of some coming-of-age drama. After struggling and enduring hardships during my undergraduate collegiate years, I, the awkward, quirky, slightly mentally ill black girl decides to actually apply herself in academia, and somehow she was accepted to grad school at a pretty good institution. Now, I am maneuvering the next chapter of my life, continuing to grow as a young woman while simultaneously feeling like I am still 16 and asking my parents if I can buy Starbucks. This is the fun part they say, working toward the goal, but quite frankly, it has been annoying me for the most part. I know that one day I will look back at this journey and reminisce about the level of uncertainty I had during this time. In a way, it is kind of exciting not knowing what comes next, but also anxiety inducing at the same time. Guess we’ll just have to see…

Life Update and Blog Continuation

Hey! How are you? Well, this is kind of awkward…l hope things have been good; long time no see. Life has been busy to say the least; completing a bachelors degree in the midst of a pandemic is a sure fire way to induce a week long depression…well, almost year long it seems like, huh? Throw a few panic attacks in there for fun. Once I complete these two college courses in the summer, I’ll begin preparing for the new journey that I will embark on in the coming months; graduate school. In the Fall of 2021, I will be a mental health counseling graduate student at Northwestern University…I know, I can’t believe it either. I won’t lie to you, I have been reading the congratulatory messages that people have been sending me on Facebook over and over again after I announced my decision, not to boost my ego, but as a mental pinching of my own skin…this is all still surreal to me; Northwestern has been a school I dreamed about attending ever since high school. Fourteen year old me is speechless, which was a rarity when I actually was that age. I hope to be able to document some of my graduate adventures, as well as some of the lessons that I will be taught. Of course, I will continue to write about current events and my two cents on them, as I enjoy doing the research for posts like those. I want to take my writing a bit more seriously, whether it be opinion editorial writing, features writing, interviews, or even more creative pursuits like short stories and poetry. The hiatus from my blog has made me realize a very simple fact about myself…I love writing. No matter how many people come across it, it’s something that I innately must do. When speaking becomes too onerous, writing words are there to soften the blow. Trying to piece together cohesive sentences off the top of your head can be monotonous. I feel this blog will be one of the only things to keep me sane during my time in graduate school; I hear these stories about the rigor of higher education and they terrify me. However, with the hooks and jabs I’ve dodged during Covid-19, I feel I can endure anything. Mentally, I am preparing myself, but it’s hard to do when you’re not sure what to expect. I know things that I was able to get away with in my undergraduate years won’t fly in graduate school; this is a whole different level. This is yet another part of my continuous self evolution, as 2020’s events have led me to want better for myself. At this time in my life, I am actually proud of myself…like honestly. I know what my dreams and aspirations are, and I am confident that I can reach them. I’m excited for the rest of the year, anxious, but excited. I am blessed to be able to move forward in the mental health field, as it is a passion of mine. I am only one person, but I am hopeful that I can help promote diversification within the profession, even if it is only amongst my fellow peers.